I was having a conversation recently with one of my sisters 13 year old friends. She told me that she wanted to have sex at age 16. Immediately my mouth dropped open and I realized how much the world has changed and is rapidly shaping the new generation with it. When I was growing up I was still banking on the possibility of not having sex until I was married. That is what I knew was generally expected even if most fell short of that particular expectation. I knew that wasn’t gonna actually happen for me but, I knew I would wait until I really felt emotionally ready for that step in a relationship.
All these young girls don’t understand that there are different doors within a relationship. The hard part is that once you have gone through a door it is very hard to shut a door and go backwards. All the different steps in a relationship should be enjoyed to their fullest extent because, once you move to the next step the previous step automatically seems much less thrilling.
I can vividly remember holding hands with my first “boyfriend”. We were four and he had extremely dry and cracked hands and I thought since I touched his hands I would catch his “disease”. Clearly it was a very panic stricken moment for me. After that I did not hold any boy’s hands for a long time. When I was older and did it was very exciting. I was with a boy exclusively holding his hand proved it. Then after a while I kissed my boyfriends. Every boyfriend after that I kissed. Simply holding their hand around school wasn’t enough. Later, we would make out. A quick kiss on the lips was no longer sufficient. For some reason swapping saliva with middle school boys was intriguing. In just a short matter of years I went from hand holding to making out. Of course, at the time I was not looking back thinking wow that happened fast but now I do.
Holding hands was just something we did while we walked around school because we were “dating”. A quick kiss on the lips was what we did when we had to say a quick goodbye. Both these things became the mundane “I have toos”. Making out was the only thing we really wanted to do, and we did at any moment we could. With each step I cared even less about the previous step. Now being an adult I yearn to go out on a date with a guy who just wants to walk around with me and hold my hand! Even better, a guy who at the end of the night wants nothing more than to just give me a nice goodnight kiss on the lips to seal the end of the date.
There is one thing I wanted to get across to my sisters friend and all the other “younger siblings” in the world: There is no “appropriate age” to have sex. Your parents might tell you one but that age is for their benefit. In reality, you will know when you are ready if you will just put hormones aside and listen to yourself. If their is any doubt in your mind, then you aren’t ready! I dated the first guy I had sex with for almost one whole year before I was ready. (I was almost 18 years old also) He on the other hand made known he was ready after 2 months! Although, i’m sure he was ready earlier, but that was the first time he made it known. I told him that I was not ready and he was okay with waiting for me he understood. That girls is the response you should be looking for when you say no. If the boy tries to convince you to change your mind or asks the very next day that is a red flag! If he does those things then it is easy to tell that he is dating you for one purpose. A relationship has to be based on more than just sex. While sex is an important part of a relationship [when you are older definitely and able to be responsible for the possible consequences] it is not all that a relationship can be based on.
Don’t waste all of those simple moments, one day all you will want is that simplicity back.
Before I really start sharing on this blog I want to give everyone who reads it a fair warning. I am an outspoken person! I have my own ideas of what I believe to be right and wrong. I do not judge others based on their thoughts so I am asking the same courtesy of my readers. I will not purposely write anything that might offend others. However, I am not going to water down my thoughts and feelings on anything that I might write. I am writing this blog based off of my own personal experiences. If you are against women with strong minds that have a lot to say then, this blog probably isn’t for you. I feel that a blog is a very non-biased way to get your thoughts across without judgement. That is what I plan to do.
I would not consider myself like many people in the world today. I tend to agree with many social norms however, I seem to add my own extra twist to each of them. I feel that conformity is a wretched act. We were all born different for a reason therefore, we must embrace those differences and learn from each other. I do not expect everyone to agree with my thoughts, but I hope that in some way I can help you to understand that everyone has their own opinion. Maybe mine will open your eyes to more possibilities.
Finally, I want to explain to everyone that yes I am a college student, but my major is not journalism. Therefore, I am not going to be perfect in my grammar, transitions, or other elements of writing. It takes me far too long to prepare a paper for school and I am not able to take that kind of time to prepare my blogs.
I hope everyone will enjoy my blog! Feel free to follow me on this journey through college and all the other life experiences and thought provoking questions that I may come across through it all.
If there is one thing about myself that I would like to be known for it would be my strength. The idea of being a young, strong, beautiful woman is the greatest overall achievement in my mind. I am not the kind of person to keep my feelings inside of me. Even if I try my face gives me away. What can I say I am a full disclosure type of person. I know that I have flaws and one of them tends to be that I will make up an opinion of someone before I even know them. However, if they are not that type of person I realize it and will gladly change my perception of them. I feel like I have started to overcome that flaw just by simply admitting it. My purpose for this post is simply to make known that all you girls out there are not alone. We all can be bitches at times, lets face it we have a genetic disposition to be that way we can’t always help it. Besides, we have a lot in life to overcome and we can’t be sweet all the time or no one would take us seriously.
Some may feel that being a woman is a shortcoming of some short. YES! It is hard to be a woman but you know what? I wouldn’t want it any other way. Who would want to be a man? Women are the ones actually in control we just let them men think they are. I must say one of my favorite movie quotes is from My Big Fat Greek Wedding : “The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.” The quote honestly explains itself perfectly! This has got to be one of woman’s best kept secrets from men.
A great man is one who helps a woman because he knows that a good woman is fragile. We can do almost everything a man can do, but that doesn’t mean we should have too. A man is our protector women have a lot of responsibilities as it is and we should not have to carry all the weight on our shoulders. Which is why I fully believe that beside (not behind or ahead) every great woman is a wonderful man sharing the weight of the world. So while all you females are out conquering the world remember you shouldn’t have to do it alone! Don’t be afraid to let someone in your life to help you along the way. However, do not let the bad stigma attached to being a female define you. You are strong yet very fragile which is what makes being a women so beautiful. We are difficult and mysteriously confusing. Embrace your gifts!