I Should Be Excited Shouldn’t I?

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My first semester out of the community college is over. Just yesterday I was moving into my apartment and getting to know my roommates. I remember worrying over where my classes would be at this huge university. I remember getting misty eyed at the thought that for the first time in my life I would live alone. I then remember the next weekend where I was delighted to realize I had no rules. I could easily go out with my friends and return whenever I chose.

I don't need a huge party to have a good time

I don’t need a huge party to have a good time!

I think now and realize that the whole “college experience” isn’t all it is cracked up to be. I do not have a bunch of friends that I go to crazy parties with. In fact, I have just a handful of friends here. I still have all of my friends back home and I miss them. Thankfully my university is not far too from home. However, with a job, many hours of homework, and still finding time to go to my workout class, I rarely have time to drive a little over an hour home to spend time with my friends. It’s a sad thing to realize that I am truly growing up. I have bills, other important responsibilities. I do not miss living with my father, but I miss being close to everyone I know.

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When I graduate and get a job I wonder where I will work? Where I will then live is extremely dependent on where I work. I will not have homework any longer so I will hopefully have some more time to do things I enjoy. This whole college experience should be exciting I think. I don’t see it that way for some reason. I see it as just another step of life.

I’m not excited to be here any longer. I hated the community college I went to. It seemed like I had graduated high school and then decided to return for two more years. Who would do that? Yes it saved me a lot of money. However, that did not make it anymore enjoyable for me. I have never really enjoyed the school atmosphere. I love to learn and get good grades. (yes, I am a bit of an over achiever) What I don’t like is all the other people. I don’t like the snap judgements people make of you the moment you walk into the room. I have never been big on drama. I never did extracurricular activities. The sooner I was out the better. I have come to find that a university is no different.

I plan to have 3 more semesters here and be done. I don’t know what the next step will be for me. I would love to then move on to law school however, that is 6 more semesters of craziness. It is a big decision and there is a lot of cost that goes into it as well. I will see what happens. There is one thing I know for sure though. I love independence and cannot wait to get out of the mundane routine of school and begin to make my own rules for my life.

I can't wait

I can’t wait

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They Always Come Running Back..

To start of this post properly I need to explain to everyone that I am truly a skeptic at heart. I question everything. I find that there is more fraudulence in most things than truth. Not to say that I believe everything is false I just feel that the truth is hidden and we must work at finding it. I feel that too many people in the world believe something because they read it on the internet or heard it “through the grapevine”.

There was a point in my life where I felt that this “quote” was just another one of those things that people say to you to help you feel better about your break-up. Well I am living proof that this saying has some validity to it.

So here’s my story…

I was in a junior in a private high school. Yes, you just read it right a private high school eekk.. (I’ll save that explanation for another post) Well, I met this guy lets call him Thomas. He was tall, tan, and completely adorable. I think he was most attractive when he smiled which of course was rare. We went out on our first date that I actually made happen. It was quite a night! We got to know each other very well. We began our relationship that next week after our date. We shared a lot of things together. He was my prom date, junior college boyfriend. Lets face it if my name came up in a conversation Thomas’ was next up. We were that couple that everyone would always say WOW! they are still together. All though, we were not as perfect as we seemed. Toward the end of our relationship he began to show that he was not committed or interested in our relationship any longer.

Fast forward almost three years and we break up. I was heartbroken to say the least. I had begun to get to the point where I didn’t see my life without him in the picture somewhere. Looking back the break-up was one of the best things for me! Being the skeptic I am I look back in disbelief that I had been so stupid. How could I have become so dependent on someone else to complete my life? I needed to get back to MY life! Now saying that was the easiest part. I had not realized how difficult it would be to be okay without Thomas.

I cried for many nights and cried a whole lot more when he got a new girlfriend. Of course out of anger I went and found other guys to hang out with. As many of you girls know its not hard to find guys to be around however, it is extremely difficult to find guys you want to be around.  That being said I did not find anyone that I enjoyed being around more than Thomas. I found a couple of good guy “friends”, but we all know that NEVER works out. I even found a guy that I was sexually attracted to. The only problem was that he wasn’t the kind of guy that I would want to be in a relationship with.

Now I hope everyone is keeping up… Fast forward a little over a year.

Thats right I started dating Thomas at 16 and now I am 20 years old. It kills me that one guys has consumed me for such a long time.

Well, here it comes after a year and four months of not hardly speaking except for a text message here and there Thomas tells me that he misses me. Of course I tell him I miss him as well, not thinking much of it. I figured it was a platonic I miss you, but I don’t want to get back together with you. Well boy was I wrong! He wanted to get back together with me pretty badly. I of course was very skeptic of his motives. Therefore, I told him that we would need to spend some time together and see where it goes. Well of course, now I am wondering Did I make the right decision?

I fully believe that there was no right or wrong option for me. I had to go with my gut. Which let me add is one of my least favorite things to do! I like to be able to weigh the pros and cons and then make somewhat of an informed decision. I fear that the only way I am going to be able to tell if I made the right decision or not is see what happens. I need to see if he truly has changed and then decide if I want to continue with him.

So obviously, as you can see the question isn’t whether or not they will come running back. The question is when they do come back will you let them back in or not. [and that is a question only you can answer for yourself]

Feel free to comment if you would like. I am sharing this story to help those of you dealing with a heartbreak.