I Should Be Excited Shouldn’t I?

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AA Degree? Check

My first semester out of the community college is over. Just yesterday I was moving into my apartment and getting to know my roommates. I remember worrying over where my classes would be at this huge university. I remember getting misty eyed at the thought that for the first time in my life I would live alone. I then remember the next weekend where I was delighted to realize I had no rules. I could easily go out with my friends and return whenever I chose.

I don't need a huge party to have a good time

I don’t need a huge party to have a good time!

I think now and realize that the whole “college experience” isn’t all it is cracked up to be. I do not have a bunch of friends that I go to crazy parties with. In fact, I have just a handful of friends here. I still have all of my friends back home and I miss them. Thankfully my university is not far too from home. However, with a job, many hours of homework, and still finding time to go to my workout class, I rarely have time to drive a little over an hour home to spend time with my friends. It’s a sad thing to realize that I am truly growing up. I have bills, other important responsibilities. I do not miss living with my father, but I miss being close to everyone I know.

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When I graduate and get a job I wonder where I will work? Where I will then live is extremely dependent on where I work. I will not have homework any longer so I will hopefully have some more time to do things I enjoy. This whole college experience should be exciting I think. I don’t see it that way for some reason. I see it as just another step of life.

I’m not excited to be here any longer. I hated the community college I went to. It seemed like I had graduated high school and then decided to return for two more years. Who would do that? Yes it saved me a lot of money. However, that did not make it anymore enjoyable for me. I have never really enjoyed the school atmosphere. I love to learn and get good grades. (yes, I am a bit of an over achiever) What I don’t like is all the other people. I don’t like the snap judgements people make of you the moment you walk into the room. I have never been big on drama. I never did extracurricular activities. The sooner I was out the better. I have come to find that a university is no different.

I plan to have 3 more semesters here and be done. I don’t know what the next step will be for me. I would love to then move on to law school however, that is 6 more semesters of craziness. It is a big decision and there is a lot of cost that goes into it as well. I will see what happens. There is one thing I know for sure though. I love independence and cannot wait to get out of the mundane routine of school and begin to make my own rules for my life.

I can't wait

I can’t wait

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The Best Birth Control Possible

DSC_0017Disclaimer: This post was written with my own personal experiences in mind. I do not mean to be offensive in any way.

I personally have always had doubts about whether or not I would ever like to have children. They take a lot of hard work and effort. It is a serious commitment. A commitment that too many people don’t take seriously enough if you ask me. For example a lot of girls that I graduated with in high school got pregnant shortly before or after graduation. All those girls were crazy in my mind! However, I partly must blame their parents.

And I will now let you in on the secret….

Their parents should have given them siblings, lots and lots of them. I personally believe that siblings are probably the best birth control possible. Especially my sister, she can be quite a hellion. Kids are so much work and without the proper care they may not become the best possible version of themselves.
I love my sister so much but she definitely has taught me many things about kids, that have made me think twice about procreating:

1. Girls are hormonal long before they hit puberty.

2. As much as I want to hate her I cannot.

3. Children are a sponge they will learn everything you do (good or bad).

4.  One of those boys in her life will take her heart and I will be terrified.

5. No matter the hate that her mother has instilled in her of me she finds a way to look past it and love me.

6. She never quits growing presently she is one inch shorter than me for now.

7. She confuses me beyond belief daily.

8. She is inconceivably innocent and fragile.

9. I can’t be her best friend until she is much older. No, now I must be her role model.

10. But most of all, I realized that my life has never been the same since she came into the picture.

Even though, a sibling is clearly not your child you get a feeling of responsibility for them. It is something that is almost impossible to explain. I would not trade my sister for the world but, it has been a long ride that has barely begun.

I know there will be many times yet to come where:

I will want to strangle her for any careless decisions. I will become angry with the boys who break her heart. I will be there to listen to her worries, fears, and worst of all high school drama. I will be one phone call away when she needs a “girl’s day” to escape from reality. I will call her to catch up on her life events no matter how little they seem to me. I will always remember that I am her only sister and therefore, she expects the world of me. I will be there for her on every important event like her prom, graduation day, first job, first car, first date, wedding day, and oh my goodness her pregnancies.

While she is not my child she is my sister. Personally, I feel like being the sibling somehow has more responsibility than a parent. I will be there when our parents have passed. I will always be closer to her own age therefore, I will understand her easier (hopefully). I am the sister with whom she will confide in and I have to be there for all of those things that she will expect out of me.

I have a lot of responsibilities yet to come. I am not sure if I am prepared for them quite yet. However, ready or not here they come. Through all of this uncertainty I am sure that if I am not prepared to be a sister how in the world can I expect to be a parent right now.

If and when I become a parent I will have a new perspective and appreciation for the responsibilities that come with it.

Fun Should Be Like Dessert

This picture really got my thinking today. I know that as a college students we all like to have a good time and party. It is almost like it is expected of the age group to go through this time period of “acting out”. Now is our chance to experience everything. We are able to sleep around and not necessarily be judged for it because we are not old enough to be committed to anyone. I do wonder who made it okay to begin to act stupid in the most important point in our lives. As college students we are in school to better ourselves. We need to make the best grades possible to achieve the best careers and salaries possible. So why do some many college students feel that now is the time to act a fool and show no concern their future selves?

Although parents are partially to blame because they keep a close watch on us while we are still living at home it is a little harder to get away with “having fun”. However, there are ways to do what you want and not get caught. While I am by no means endorsing disobedient children, I am saying that parents must let children make mistakes. Parents should realize that by nature we are going to try things even though they are bad for us. It is a known fact that if I child is told no then they immediately are more intrigued as to why it is not allowed. If I were a parent I would want my child to try the questionable things under some sort of supervision so they could get it out of their system safely.

I personally never meant to “Act out” I just had fun with friends. I did however go to my share of parties as a kid. I got all of my partying out of my system while I was in high school though. I went to the clubs and I drank and had  “great times” many that I now cannot really remember. I tried cigarettes and hated it from the first puff. Even though cigarettes never intrigued me it seemed almost a waste to be old enough to buy them and then not try them. As for the drama part I was never much for drama it was too tiresome for me. I preferred to keep to myself and the few friends I could actually stand to be around. One thing that I never tried was the sleeping around. It always seemed horrible to me. Sleeping with someone holds meaning with me. It isn’t just an action that many people take very lightly. I view it as a moment that is to be shared only by those you truly care for deeply. (I won’t go any deeper into that. I will save for a different post)

The main point that I wanted to get across in this post is the fact that girls (and guys for matter) like me are the minority. When I tell people “my number” I get a sort of deer in headlights look as if they don’t believe me. It is pretty ridiculous that it seems almost impossible to meet someone whose number of sexual partners can be counted on one hand. Then later when they find out that I would rather spend the night in watching a great movie and just spending time together, instead of partying they think I’m lying. It is an insult when people automatically assume that the majority of girls smoke, drink every night, go to clubs constantly, and sleep with every guy she meets.

I can’t remember when this “type” of girl became the norm. Even so, I refuse to conform the this cultural norm. I hope that more girls will understand that being different is more intriguing and desirable than the normal “slut”. There is nothing wrong with having fun. The problem is when its no longer having fun but it is a normal everyday occurrence that is just a way of life. Fun should be like dessert not a right but a treat. Something that doesn’t happen every night therefore, when it does it is more exciting and meaningful.

So yes! Girls like me do exist! We may be few and far between at the moment but we are out there.

My First Post

Normally I tend to be a very private person. I have not thought that any of my thoughts were necessarily worth sharing with others or that anyone may be interested in what I have to say. With that said this blog is going to be full of my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy and can find my words interesting. My goal is that my thoughts have an impact on others in a positive way somehow. Please feel free to comment and let me know what you think.

Well here it goes………..

I am a college student who recently moved out on my own. It has been a very interesting experience to say the least. At first I was very scared and nervous, but after it was all said and done I absolutely loved it! It is a liberating feeling knowing that you can do whatever you like and no one is there to ask you what time you will be home or if they think you should go. I have not come from a family that was super strict but more protective than anything. I by no means feel like I had the best childhood, but either way for better or worse it shaped me into the adult that I am now. Wow! its so weird to be able to call myself an adult.
I am 20 years old at the moment however I have a birthday coming in about 6 months, the big 21! That will be an exciting milestone in my life that I have been looking forward to since I was about 15. Although the more I think about it the more I realize that once you turn 21 thats it. What else is an exciting milestone birthday after you turn 21? I can’t really think of one which is somewhat depressing within the last few months I have really realized how much I have aged and matured over the years. Its one thing to look at the pictures and see how you have changed physically, but it is especially liberating to realize how much you have grown on the inside as well.

I personally feel like the best is yet to come for me. Even though I will always look back at my childhood years and smile that is not where I would rather be. Of course being a child seems easy because you don’t have any real responsibilities, but it was a very trying time for me. I am happy to be at the point in my life where I now have complete control over what I achieve.

I look forward to the journey through adulthood and all of the experiences that will come with it!