The Best Birth Control Possible

DSC_0017Disclaimer: This post was written with my own personal experiences in mind. I do not mean to be offensive in any way.

I personally have always had doubts about whether or not I would ever like to have children. They take a lot of hard work and effort. It is a serious commitment. A commitment that too many people don’t take seriously enough if you ask me. For example a lot of girls that I graduated with in high school got pregnant shortly before or after graduation. All those girls were crazy in my mind! However, I partly must blame their parents.

And I will now let you in on the secret….

Their parents should have given them siblings, lots and lots of them. I personally believe that siblings are probably the best birth control possible. Especially my sister, she can be quite a hellion. Kids are so much work and without the proper care they may not become the best possible version of themselves.
I love my sister so much but she definitely has taught me many things about kids, that have made me think twice about procreating:

1. Girls are hormonal long before they hit puberty.

2. As much as I want to hate her I cannot.

3. Children are a sponge they will learn everything you do (good or bad).

4.  One of those boys in her life will take her heart and I will be terrified.

5. No matter the hate that her mother has instilled in her of me she finds a way to look past it and love me.

6. She never quits growing presently she is one inch shorter than me for now.

7. She confuses me beyond belief daily.

8. She is inconceivably innocent and fragile.

9. I can’t be her best friend until she is much older. No, now I must be her role model.

10. But most of all, I realized that my life has never been the same since she came into the picture.

Even though, a sibling is clearly not your child you get a feeling of responsibility for them. It is something that is almost impossible to explain. I would not trade my sister for the world but, it has been a long ride that has barely begun.

I know there will be many times yet to come where:

I will want to strangle her for any careless decisions. I will become angry with the boys who break her heart. I will be there to listen to her worries, fears, and worst of all high school drama. I will be one phone call away when she needs a “girl’s day” to escape from reality. I will call her to catch up on her life events no matter how little they seem to me. I will always remember that I am her only sister and therefore, she expects the world of me. I will be there for her on every important event like her prom, graduation day, first job, first car, first date, wedding day, and oh my goodness her pregnancies.

While she is not my child she is my sister. Personally, I feel like being the sibling somehow has more responsibility than a parent. I will be there when our parents have passed. I will always be closer to her own age therefore, I will understand her easier (hopefully). I am the sister with whom she will confide in and I have to be there for all of those things that she will expect out of me.

I have a lot of responsibilities yet to come. I am not sure if I am prepared for them quite yet. However, ready or not here they come. Through all of this uncertainty I am sure that if I am not prepared to be a sister how in the world can I expect to be a parent right now.

If and when I become a parent I will have a new perspective and appreciation for the responsibilities that come with it.

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Stop! Trying to Grow up So Fast

I was having a conversation recently with one of my sisters 13 year old friends. She told me that she wanted to have sex at age 16. Immediately my mouth dropped open and I realized how much the world has changed and is rapidly shaping the new generation with it. When I was growing up I was still banking on the possibility of  not having sex until I was married. That is what I knew was generally expected even if most fell short of that particular expectation. I knew that wasn’t gonna actually happen for me but, I knew I would wait until I really felt emotionally ready for that step in a relationship.

All these young girls don’t understand that there are different doors within a relationship. The hard part is that once you have gone through a door it is very hard to shut a door and go backwards. All the different steps in a relationship should be enjoyed to their fullest extent because, once you move to the next step the previous step automatically seems much less thrilling.

I can vividly remember holding hands with my first “boyfriend”. We were four and he had extremely dry and cracked hands and I thought since I touched his hands I would catch his “disease”. Clearly it was a very panic stricken moment for me. After that I did not hold any boy’s hands for a long time. When I was older and did it was very exciting. I was with a boy exclusively holding his hand proved it. Then after a while I kissed my boyfriends. Every boyfriend after that I kissed. Simply holding their hand around school wasn’t enough. Later, we would make out. A quick kiss on the lips was no longer sufficient. For some reason swapping saliva with middle school boys was intriguing. In just a short matter of years I went from hand holding to making out. Of course, at the time I was not looking back thinking wow that happened fast but now I do.

Holding hands was just something we did while we walked around school because we were “dating”. A quick kiss on the lips was what we did when we had to say a quick goodbye. Both these things became the mundane “I have toos”. Making out was the only thing we really wanted to do, and we did at any moment we could. With each step I cared even less about the previous step. Now being an adult I yearn to go out on a date with a guy who just wants to walk around with me and hold my hand! Even better, a guy who at the end of the night wants nothing more than to just give me a nice goodnight kiss on the lips to seal the end of the date.

There is one thing I wanted to get across to my sisters friend and all the other “younger siblings” in the world: There is no “appropriate age” to have sex. Your parents might tell you one but that age is for their benefit. In reality, you will know when you are ready if you will just put hormones aside and listen to yourself. If their is any doubt in your mind, then you aren’t ready! I dated the first guy I had sex with for almost one whole year before I was ready. (I was almost 18 years old also) He on the other hand made known he was ready after 2 months! Although, i’m sure he was ready earlier, but that was the first time he made it known. I told him that I was not ready and he was okay with waiting for me he understood. That girls is the response you should be looking for when you say no. If the boy tries to convince you to change your mind or asks the very next day that is a red flag! If he does those things then it is easy to tell that he is dating you for one purpose. A relationship has to be based on more than just sex. While sex is an important part of a relationship [when you are older definitely and able to be responsible for the possible consequences] it is not all that a relationship can be based on.

Don’t waste all of those simple moments, one day all you will want is that simplicity back.