Online Dating? What a trip!

thHO5VSK0YAfter reading the title you may think that this will be a post of me ranting on and on about the terrors of online dating. Well, you are wrong! Well sort of…

Oh! Where should I begin?

After my highschool/college love I was single for a VERY long time. Don’t get me wrong, I went on a few dates here and there. However, nothing long term or even consistent. My very good friend from college suggested I try online dating. I thought, why not, lets go for it.

As most have heard, online dating sites are filled with creepy guys who have quite unique ways to strike up conversations. To say that it was humorous would be selling it short. Then without knowing it, a guy that would be everything I ever wanted contacted me May 2015. The conversation was nothing special just a hello. Before responding, I viewed his profile and was physically attracted to him. However, he lived about 1000 miles away. Normally, I wouldn’t have responded to someone that far away, but let’s face it I was lonely and wanted some conversation.

We had a nice conversation that never actually ended. I’m not sure why, but we enjoyed texting each other so much that we talked consistently. How could you enjoy a texting conversation so much, so quickly? I’m not sure, but we did. To “officially” meet each other and confirm that our profile pictures were real, we decided to FaceTime. I was very nervous to meet him and wasn’t sure what I would say. I remember his initial reaction as soon as we got on FaceTime. He had such relief in his eyes. He told me he was relieved that “I looked even better than my pictures”. That’s all I remember about the conversation. What I do know is that I didn’t want to hang up the phone. Our FaceTime and texting conversations continued on. I would stay up until all hours of the night just to get to talk to him.

The feeling of excitement when you first meet someone and are getting to know them is like no other. It’s hard to explain and impossible to forget.

imageOur converstations continued on for months. We talked about meeting up, but with work and other responsibilities the timing never seemed to be right. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I was disappointed. Strangely enough, I was so drawn to our conversations that I didn’t care. I loved sharing my life with him even if it was virtually. If I were to actually write down a list of what I am looking for in a man, this guy had it. He fulfilled all of the things I wanted along with the things I never knew I needed.

imageI knew this was trouble. Love Isnt something I let myself “do” and I felt myself falling in love with a guy 1000 miles away whom I’ve never even met. I was choosing to stay home and talk to him instead of hanging out with friends.

October 2015 – he disappeared. Some may call it “ghosting”. I tried to contact him twice after I hadn’t heard from him, radio silence. That was it, I was done contacting him. I moved forward with my life, bought a house, and convinced myself that it wouldn’t have worked out with him living so far away in another state anyway. Needless to say, all the walls I have built up around my heart just got a second layer built on.

To be continued…

P.S. Don’t worry he returns.

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I follow Scott and he always has really great posts but this one really intrigued me. I felt compelled to show it all with you and add a few of my thoughts as well.
Although I know that some of these viewpoints on this video are a little exaggerated I do believe they are pretty accurate! Guys are the hard asses with no feelings, and girls are way too emotional and needy. We know all those stereotypes they are nothing new. I think that trying to view situations through the perspective of the other (within reason) is an amazing idea. It really helps you to realize not everyone has the same perspective on everything. We must compromise:)

In group on Thursday I encouraged everyone to try to look at life from the perspective of their spouse. Sometimes people take things literally…

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They Always Come Running Back..

To start of this post properly I need to explain to everyone that I am truly a skeptic at heart. I question everything. I find that there is more fraudulence in most things than truth. Not to say that I believe everything is false I just feel that the truth is hidden and we must work at finding it. I feel that too many people in the world believe something because they read it on the internet or heard it “through the grapevine”.

There was a point in my life where I felt that this “quote” was just another one of those things that people say to you to help you feel better about your break-up. Well I am living proof that this saying has some validity to it.

So here’s my story…

I was in a junior in a private high school. Yes, you just read it right a private high school eekk.. (I’ll save that explanation for another post) Well, I met this guy lets call him Thomas. He was tall, tan, and completely adorable. I think he was most attractive when he smiled which of course was rare. We went out on our first date that I actually made happen. It was quite a night! We got to know each other very well. We began our relationship that next week after our date. We shared a lot of things together. He was my prom date, junior college boyfriend. Lets face it if my name came up in a conversation Thomas’ was next up. We were that couple that everyone would always say WOW! they are still together. All though, we were not as perfect as we seemed. Toward the end of our relationship he began to show that he was not committed or interested in our relationship any longer.

Fast forward almost three years and we break up. I was heartbroken to say the least. I had begun to get to the point where I didn’t see my life without him in the picture somewhere. Looking back the break-up was one of the best things for me! Being the skeptic I am I look back in disbelief that I had been so stupid. How could I have become so dependent on someone else to complete my life? I needed to get back to MY life! Now saying that was the easiest part. I had not realized how difficult it would be to be okay without Thomas.

I cried for many nights and cried a whole lot more when he got a new girlfriend. Of course out of anger I went and found other guys to hang out with. As many of you girls know its not hard to find guys to be around however, it is extremely difficult to find guys you want to be around.  That being said I did not find anyone that I enjoyed being around more than Thomas. I found a couple of good guy “friends”, but we all know that NEVER works out. I even found a guy that I was sexually attracted to. The only problem was that he wasn’t the kind of guy that I would want to be in a relationship with.

Now I hope everyone is keeping up… Fast forward a little over a year.

Thats right I started dating Thomas at 16 and now I am 20 years old. It kills me that one guys has consumed me for such a long time.

Well, here it comes after a year and four months of not hardly speaking except for a text message here and there Thomas tells me that he misses me. Of course I tell him I miss him as well, not thinking much of it. I figured it was a platonic I miss you, but I don’t want to get back together with you. Well boy was I wrong! He wanted to get back together with me pretty badly. I of course was very skeptic of his motives. Therefore, I told him that we would need to spend some time together and see where it goes. Well of course, now I am wondering Did I make the right decision?

I fully believe that there was no right or wrong option for me. I had to go with my gut. Which let me add is one of my least favorite things to do! I like to be able to weigh the pros and cons and then make somewhat of an informed decision. I fear that the only way I am going to be able to tell if I made the right decision or not is see what happens. I need to see if he truly has changed and then decide if I want to continue with him.

So obviously, as you can see the question isn’t whether or not they will come running back. The question is when they do come back will you let them back in or not. [and that is a question only you can answer for yourself]

Feel free to comment if you would like. I am sharing this story to help those of you dealing with a heartbreak.

Baggage is Heavy

 

There are many times in my life where I find myself feeling like this woman in the picture does. (overwhelmed)

Even though I know that carrying around a lot of baggage is heavy and quite frankly extremely overwhelming I still do. And yet, I still question myself as to why that is?

I think that I have finally come to the conclusion. We all carry something with us. While, it would be easier to drop what we have we don’t. The reason is because of fear that there may be a chance we might let go too soon.

After all, isn’t that everyones biggest fear? If you have something and then you loose it….. you want to hold on so tightly in hopes that it may return. Whenever, you think that you may want to let go of this “extra” baggage you stop and think about the small chance that the second you give up your chance will come and it will be too late.

Honestly, it’s ok to want to hold onto the past especially, if it is something great. The one thing that from now on I am going to remember is if I am going to hold onto the past it must be something worth my while. When you carry something with you it takes a part of you. As long as you are ok letting something consume you then, it is worth it to keep holding on. However, really put some thought into it and don’t carry around the petty things. Only important things should be carried onward.

I for one am going to keep that in mind when worrying about things in my past.