I was having a conversation recently with one of my sisters 13 year old friends. She told me that she wanted to have sex at age 16. Immediately my mouth dropped open and I realized how much the world has changed and is rapidly shaping the new generation with it. When I was growing up I was still banking on the possibility of not having sex until I was married. That is what I knew was generally expected even if most fell short of that particular expectation. I knew that wasn’t gonna actually happen for me but, I knew I would wait until I really felt emotionally ready for that step in a relationship.
All these young girls don’t understand that there are different doors within a relationship. The hard part is that once you have gone through a door it is very hard to shut a door and go backwards. All the different steps in a relationship should be enjoyed to their fullest extent because, once you move to the next step the previous step automatically seems much less thrilling.
I can vividly remember holding hands with my first “boyfriend”. We were four and he had extremely dry and cracked hands and I thought since I touched his hands I would catch his “disease”. Clearly it was a very panic stricken moment for me. After that I did not hold any boy’s hands for a long time. When I was older and did it was very exciting. I was with a boy exclusively holding his hand proved it. Then after a while I kissed my boyfriends. Every boyfriend after that I kissed. Simply holding their hand around school wasn’t enough. Later, we would make out. A quick kiss on the lips was no longer sufficient. For some reason swapping saliva with middle school boys was intriguing. In just a short matter of years I went from hand holding to making out. Of course, at the time I was not looking back thinking wow that happened fast but now I do.
Holding hands was just something we did while we walked around school because we were “dating”. A quick kiss on the lips was what we did when we had to say a quick goodbye. Both these things became the mundane “I have toos”. Making out was the only thing we really wanted to do, and we did at any moment we could. With each step I cared even less about the previous step. Now being an adult I yearn to go out on a date with a guy who just wants to walk around with me and hold my hand! Even better, a guy who at the end of the night wants nothing more than to just give me a nice goodnight kiss on the lips to seal the end of the date.
There is one thing I wanted to get across to my sisters friend and all the other “younger siblings” in the world: There is no “appropriate age” to have sex. Your parents might tell you one but that age is for their benefit. In reality, you will know when you are ready if you will just put hormones aside and listen to yourself. If their is any doubt in your mind, then you aren’t ready! I dated the first guy I had sex with for almost one whole year before I was ready. (I was almost 18 years old also) He on the other hand made known he was ready after 2 months! Although, i’m sure he was ready earlier, but that was the first time he made it known. I told him that I was not ready and he was okay with waiting for me he understood. That girls is the response you should be looking for when you say no. If the boy tries to convince you to change your mind or asks the very next day that is a red flag! If he does those things then it is easy to tell that he is dating you for one purpose. A relationship has to be based on more than just sex. While sex is an important part of a relationship [when you are older definitely and able to be responsible for the possible consequences] it is not all that a relationship can be based on.
Don’t waste all of those simple moments, one day all you will want is that simplicity back.