Stop! Trying to Grow up So Fast

I was having a conversation recently with one of my sisters 13 year old friends. She told me that she wanted to have sex at age 16. Immediately my mouth dropped open and I realized how much the world has changed and is rapidly shaping the new generation with it. When I was growing up I was still banking on the possibility of  not having sex until I was married. That is what I knew was generally expected even if most fell short of that particular expectation. I knew that wasn’t gonna actually happen for me but, I knew I would wait until I really felt emotionally ready for that step in a relationship.

All these young girls don’t understand that there are different doors within a relationship. The hard part is that once you have gone through a door it is very hard to shut a door and go backwards. All the different steps in a relationship should be enjoyed to their fullest extent because, once you move to the next step the previous step automatically seems much less thrilling.

I can vividly remember holding hands with my first “boyfriend”. We were four and he had extremely dry and cracked hands and I thought since I touched his hands I would catch his “disease”. Clearly it was a very panic stricken moment for me. After that I did not hold any boy’s hands for a long time. When I was older and did it was very exciting. I was with a boy exclusively holding his hand proved it. Then after a while I kissed my boyfriends. Every boyfriend after that I kissed. Simply holding their hand around school wasn’t enough. Later, we would make out. A quick kiss on the lips was no longer sufficient. For some reason swapping saliva with middle school boys was intriguing. In just a short matter of years I went from hand holding to making out. Of course, at the time I was not looking back thinking wow that happened fast but now I do.

Holding hands was just something we did while we walked around school because we were “dating”. A quick kiss on the lips was what we did when we had to say a quick goodbye. Both these things became the mundane “I have toos”. Making out was the only thing we really wanted to do, and we did at any moment we could. With each step I cared even less about the previous step. Now being an adult I yearn to go out on a date with a guy who just wants to walk around with me and hold my hand! Even better, a guy who at the end of the night wants nothing more than to just give me a nice goodnight kiss on the lips to seal the end of the date.

There is one thing I wanted to get across to my sisters friend and all the other “younger siblings” in the world: There is no “appropriate age” to have sex. Your parents might tell you one but that age is for their benefit. In reality, you will know when you are ready if you will just put hormones aside and listen to yourself. If their is any doubt in your mind, then you aren’t ready! I dated the first guy I had sex with for almost one whole year before I was ready. (I was almost 18 years old also) He on the other hand made known he was ready after 2 months! Although, i’m sure he was ready earlier, but that was the first time he made it known. I told him that I was not ready and he was okay with waiting for me he understood. That girls is the response you should be looking for when you say no. If the boy tries to convince you to change your mind or asks the very next day that is a red flag! If he does those things then it is easy to tell that he is dating you for one purpose. A relationship has to be based on more than just sex. While sex is an important part of a relationship [when you are older definitely and able to be responsible for the possible consequences] it is not all that a relationship can be based on.

Don’t waste all of those simple moments, one day all you will want is that simplicity back.

Fun Should Be Like Dessert

This picture really got my thinking today. I know that as a college students we all like to have a good time and party. It is almost like it is expected of the age group to go through this time period of “acting out”. Now is our chance to experience everything. We are able to sleep around and not necessarily be judged for it because we are not old enough to be committed to anyone. I do wonder who made it okay to begin to act stupid in the most important point in our lives. As college students we are in school to better ourselves. We need to make the best grades possible to achieve the best careers and salaries possible. So why do some many college students feel that now is the time to act a fool and show no concern their future selves?

Although parents are partially to blame because they keep a close watch on us while we are still living at home it is a little harder to get away with “having fun”. However, there are ways to do what you want and not get caught. While I am by no means endorsing disobedient children, I am saying that parents must let children make mistakes. Parents should realize that by nature we are going to try things even though they are bad for us. It is a known fact that if I child is told no then they immediately are more intrigued as to why it is not allowed. If I were a parent I would want my child to try the questionable things under some sort of supervision so they could get it out of their system safely.

I personally never meant to “Act out” I just had fun with friends. I did however go to my share of parties as a kid. I got all of my partying out of my system while I was in high school though. I went to the clubs and I drank and had  “great times” many that I now cannot really remember. I tried cigarettes and hated it from the first puff. Even though cigarettes never intrigued me it seemed almost a waste to be old enough to buy them and then not try them. As for the drama part I was never much for drama it was too tiresome for me. I preferred to keep to myself and the few friends I could actually stand to be around. One thing that I never tried was the sleeping around. It always seemed horrible to me. Sleeping with someone holds meaning with me. It isn’t just an action that many people take very lightly. I view it as a moment that is to be shared only by those you truly care for deeply. (I won’t go any deeper into that. I will save for a different post)

The main point that I wanted to get across in this post is the fact that girls (and guys for matter) like me are the minority. When I tell people “my number” I get a sort of deer in headlights look as if they don’t believe me. It is pretty ridiculous that it seems almost impossible to meet someone whose number of sexual partners can be counted on one hand. Then later when they find out that I would rather spend the night in watching a great movie and just spending time together, instead of partying they think I’m lying. It is an insult when people automatically assume that the majority of girls smoke, drink every night, go to clubs constantly, and sleep with every guy she meets.

I can’t remember when this “type” of girl became the norm. Even so, I refuse to conform the this cultural norm. I hope that more girls will understand that being different is more intriguing and desirable than the normal “slut”. There is nothing wrong with having fun. The problem is when its no longer having fun but it is a normal everyday occurrence that is just a way of life. Fun should be like dessert not a right but a treat. Something that doesn’t happen every night therefore, when it does it is more exciting and meaningful.

So yes! Girls like me do exist! We may be few and far between at the moment but we are out there.

Kindess is Necessary

This picture speaks more truth then a lot of people may realize. I once was out to dinner with a guy that I had been spending a lot of time with and he treated the waiter like he was the scum of the earth. Now let me add that I have had my share of times where I have been rude to a waiter or waitress because they have been actually horrible at their job. However, he acted this way at a restaurant every time we went. There is absolutely no excuse to be rude to someone just because their job is to serve you.

Until I had gone out to dinner with this guy I had thought he was such a sweet guy he treated me like a lady and opened the door for me and everything. After seeing how he acted towards other people I began to wonder what was I willing to give up to be treated like a lady? I was not willing to be walking around with a guy that opened the door for me and then practically slammed it in others faces. I wanted a guy that would open the door whether it was for me or if it was for a bum off the street. I am looking for a guy who is kind all around not just to me.

In reality what makes a guy special? His thoughtfulness, kindness, masculinity, and some possibility of romance. Now if I find a guy like that I want to be able to tell all my friends about him and all the great things he does. Now when my friends meet him I want them to see the great things I have said in action. All in all, I want a guy who will treat others the same way that he treats me.

I think that this is an important life lesson for men and women. I only speak from a girls perspective because thats the perspective I know. Something else that I know is that both men and women deserve kindness and respect. So we all need to think about how we treat others. I know I will because when I go out on a date with someone I pay attention to how they are acting towards me and others and I want the kind of guy that people tsay wow what a gentleman!